What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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