Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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