Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Those nachos came to me in a dream
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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