Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
