I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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