i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
