I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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