I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
