I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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