I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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