I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize