I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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