There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
