six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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