Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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