Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want to fling myself into the sun
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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