no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
