I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
