apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
