I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
