He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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