he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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