goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize