I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
