I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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