Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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