I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
