both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize