I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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