We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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