Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
