I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
