Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
