she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize