he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Actions speak louder than pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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