I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
