look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
