I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
