I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize