If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You did what with his pubic hair?
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