You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
love makes seman taste better
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
