this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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