He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
