I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
