Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
