Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
