The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
