Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
