My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
