Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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