Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
