he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have aggressive nipples.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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