Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
