We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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