Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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