She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
