sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize