sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
