Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
