I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
