There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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