you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
