Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Randomize
