Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
