I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize