the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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