I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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