He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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