i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
