I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
