wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
