About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
