I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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