so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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