How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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