I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
