I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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