Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize