If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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