Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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