I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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