I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
