I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it glows. i had to have it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
