Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
