Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You left your phone here
Wait...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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