WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
