someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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