this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
