just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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