I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
