I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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