Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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